Anticipating and caring about someone’s needs is really important, but you may need a little help figuring out what those needs are. Humans are complex creatures and although we may have one or two immediate needs, we actually have an endless possibility of complex needs that are tailored to our lifestyles, and they are ever-changing.
All of us have 3 sides or rather 3 egos. And those 3 parts have needs that must be fulfilled for us to feel happy or compatible with a partner.
According to Canadian psychologist Eric Berne, our egos stem from different experiences throughout our life, ones that we still carry with us. All of our egos need to feel welcome and understood for us to feel truly happy with someone.
The parent ego satisfies what you have been taught
The child ego satisfies what you have felt
The adult ego satisfies what you have learned
These 3 egos are an evolutionary progression of our whole life. We want to carry values of what we have been taught and apply them to our natural state of what we feel, while knowing from experience what we have learned on our own to be true.
To further the understanding of our 3 egos and how we can find out if we are compatible with another’s Business Insider asked Peter Pearson, a couple’s therapist and cofounder of the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, California, to help us break it down.
“Do you and your partner have similar values and beliefs about the world?” -- This satisfies the parent ego.
“Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner's hot? Do you like to travel together?” -- This satisfies the child ego.
“Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?” --This satisfies the adult ego.
It may be fun to think opposites attract, and sometimes they do, but mates in this position can often get tired of always filling those shoes. Finding someone who has similarities and will allow for flexibility is key.
While chemistry for both partners is what is needed to begin a relationship, effort is what is needed to continue it. Allowing mates to be separate from each other yet still maintain a relationship with one another is what is needed for long-term success.
It may seem simple that with a little bit of effort and the ingredients listed above we can make anything work, but we often forget humans are complex. People are not only a product of what they have been taught, felt and learned, they have also been hardwired with biological needs that can leave the future a big giant question mark.
After all of the studies, opinions, and biological reasons are accounted for the truest way to find out if you’re compatible is to openly and honestly communicate with one another.
Have you ever been tired of always always having to be the responsible one, or the fun one? How did things work out?